接納不完美的自己

The first of the five pillars of self-discipline is acceptance. Acceptance means that you perceive reality accurately and consciously acknowledge what you perceive.

This may sound simple and obvious, but in practice it』s extremely difficult. If you experience chronic difficulties in a particular area of your life, there』s a strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as it is.

自律之一，學會接受。接受就是你要切實地認識現實，並清醒地承認你所認識的。

這看起來一目了然，做起來可就沒那麼簡單了。如果你在生活中長時間的苦悶，此時正是你認識到問題的關鍵。你還沒法接受現實。

Why is acceptance a pillar of self-discipline? The most basic mistake people make with respect to self-discipline is a failure to accurately perceive and accept their present situation. Remember the analogy between self-discipline and weight training from yesterday』s post? If you』re going to succeed at weight training, the first step is to figure out what weights you can already lift. How strong are you right now? Until you figure out where you stand right now, you cannot adopt a sensible training program.

If you haven』t consciously acknowledged where you stand right now in terms of your level of self-discipline, it』s highly unlikely that you』re going to improve at all in this area. Imagine a would-be bodybuilder who has no idea how much weight s/he can lift and arbitrarily adopts a training routine. It』s virtually certain that the chosen weights will be either too heavy or too light. If the weights are too heavy, the trainee won』t be able to lift them at all and thus will experience no muscle growth. And if the weights are too light, the trainee will lift them easily but won』t build any muscle in doing so.

為何學會接受是通向自律的關鍵之一？人們對於自律最大的誤區就是無法切實地認識並接受現實。在上篇文章里提到自律和舉重訓練的類比，如果你想拿下舉重訓練，首先你要知道自己到底能舉多重。你現在的體質夠壯嗎？只有明確這一點，才能選擇適合的訓練課程。

如果你不清楚自己自律水平，你就很難在這方面有所提高。要知道舉重的重量不能太輕也不能太重，如果太重，你根本無法舉起，談不上鍛煉肌肉；如果太輕，你很容易舉起，也起不到鍛煉的作用。

Similarly, if you want to increase your self-discipline, you must know where you stand right now. How strong is your discipline at this moment? Which challenges are easy for you, and which are virtually impossible for you?

Here』s a list of challenges to get you thinking about where you stand right now (in no particular order):

所以，如果你想要提高自律能力，就要了解現在的自己有多自律。能接受何樣的挑戰。

下列列出挑戰清單，請各位看官用此了解一下自己。（無需按照順序）：

Do you shower/bathe every day?

Do you get up at the same time every morning? Including weekends?

Are you overweight?

Do you have any addictions (caffeine, nicotine, sugar, etc.) you』d like to break but haven』t?

Is your email inbox empty right now?

Is your office neat and well organized?

Is your home neat and well organized?

How much time do you waste in a typical day? On a weekend?

If you make a promise to someone, what』s the percentage chance you』ll keep it?

If you make a promise to yourself, what』s the percentage chance you』ll keep it?

你是否每天洗澡？

你每天早上都按時起床嗎？周末也算在內。

你超重嗎？

你有想戒掉卻還沒戒掉的癮嗎？

你郵箱里的收件箱現在是空的嗎？

你辦公室整潔嗎？

你家裡整潔嗎？

你在周末或特定的日子會浪費多少時間？

如果你向他人做個承諾，你會守多久？

如果你向自己做個承諾，你會守多久？

Could you fast for one day?

How well organized is your computer』s hard drive?

How often do you exercise?

What』s the greatest physical challenge you』ve ever faced, and how long ago was it?

How many hours of focused work do you complete in a typical workday?

How many items on your to do list are older than 90 days?

Do you have clear, written goals? Do you have written plans to achieve them?

If you lost your job, how much time would you spend each day looking for a new one, and how long would you maintain that level of effort?

你可以進食一天嗎？

你電腦硬碟驅動器里是否有條不紊？

你多久鍛煉一次？

你曾經遇到過最難的體育鍛煉是什麼？是多久之前的事了？

你在工作日能集中精力多少小時去完成工作？

你清單上有多少目標執行了超過90天？

你有清晰的目標嗎？有記下來嗎？你有把這些記下來的目標完成嗎？

如果你丟了工作，你每天會花多長時間找新工作？你會堅持多久去努力找工作？

How much TV do you currently watch? Could you give up TV for 30 days?

How do you look right now? What does your appearance say about your level of discipline (clothes, grooming, etc)?

Do you primarily select foods to eat based on health considerations or on taste/satiety?

When was the last time you consciously adopted a positive new habit? Discontinued a bad habit?

Are you in debt? Do you consider this debt an investment or a mistake?

Did you decide in advance to be reading this blog right now, or did it just happen?

Can you tell me what you』ll be doing tomorrow? Next weekend?

On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your overall level of self-discipline?

What more could you accomplish if you could answer that last question with a 9 or 10?

你最近在看多少部電視劇？你能在30天內都不看嗎？

你現在是何樣打扮？你的裝束能體現何等自律能力？

你以什麼標準挑選食物？健康？美味？飽腹？

你現在有貸款嗎？你覺得貸款是投資還是不該做的事情？

你是提前決定閱讀此文章還是剛剛已經讀完了？

你能告訴我明天你的計劃嗎？還有下周的。

從1到10，你給自己的自律能力打分。

如果你給自己打分9-10，你還有其他要做的事情要做嗎？

Just as there are different muscle groups which you train with different exercises, there are different areas of self-discipline: disciplined sleep, disciplined diet, disciplined work habits, disciplined communication, etc. It takes different exercises to build discipline in each area.

My advice is to identify an area where your discipline is weakest, assess where you stand right now, acknowledge and accept your starting point, and design a training program for yourself to improve in this area. Start out with some easy exercises you know you can do, and gradually progress to greater challenges.

鍛煉不同部位的肌肉，不能只採用一種鍛煉方式；自律也是：按時睡覺、按頓吃飯、良好的工作習慣、友好的溝通方式等等，需要各個擊破。

建議大家確認一下自己最無法自律的地方在哪裡，對自己有個正確的評估，認識並接受真正的自己，設計一套符合自己的課程去鍛煉自律能力。一開始要做些簡單的，循序漸進的給自己加挑戰。

Progressive training works with self-discipline just as it does with building muscle. For example, if you can barely get out of bed at 10am, are you likely to succeed at waking up at 5am every morning? Probably not. But could you master getting up at 9:45am? Very likely. And once you』ve done that, could you progress to 9:30 or 9:15? Sure. When I started getting up at 5am consistently, I had already done it several times for a few days in a row, and my normal wake-up time was 6-6:30am, so that next step was challenging but achievable for me partly because I was already within range of it.

Without acceptance you get either ignorance or denial. With ignorance you simply don』t know how disciplined you are — you』ve probably never even thought about it. You don』t know that you don』t know. You』ll only have a fuzzy notion of what you can and can』t do. You』ll experience some easy successes and some dismal failures, but you』re more likely to blame the task or blame yourself instead of simply acknowledging that the 「weight」 was too heavy for you and that you need to become stronger.

像鍛煉肌肉一樣循序漸進的鍛煉自己的自律能力。比如：如果你每天不到10點，就算地震也無法起床，那你讓自己每天早上5點起床的可行性大嗎？回答是否定的。但是9:45起床可以吧？這個還挺靠譜。一旦開始付出行動，9:30或9:15起床還難嗎？當然不會。我一開始給自己定的起床時間是5點整，我已堅持了很多天，平時我是6點-6：30期間起床，所以5點起床對我來說是挑戰，但也絕對可以完成，因為我本就是早起的人。

不接納自己，人就不了解自己，還會否定自己。那麼你也就不知要如何做到自律——也許你從來沒有想過這些。你也沒有意識到，你其實是不了解自己的。你只會知道你能做什麼，不能做什麼，但也不是太明確。你會做成一些事情，也會做錯一些小事情，但你很容易抱怨工作或者自責，根本沒有意識到所做的事情是你無力承擔的，你需要強大自己才行。

When you』re in a state of denial about your level of discipline, you』re locked into a false view of reality. You』re either overly pessimistic or optimistic about your capabilities. And like the trainee who doesn』t know his/her own strength, you won』t get much better because it』s unlikely you』ll be able to hit the proper training zone by accident. On the pessimistic side, you』ll only pick up easy weights and avoid the heavy ones which you could actually lift and which would make you stronger. And on the optimistic side, you』ll keep trying to lift weights that are too heavy for you and failing, and afterwards you may either beat yourself up or resolve to try harder, neither of which will make you stronger.

當你陷入自我否定的狀態里，就走進了誤區。對於自己的能力，既過度悲觀，也不過度樂觀。就像鍛煉身體的人對自己能舉多少並不清楚，你沒有進步是因為你不可能一下子就找到適合的鍛煉課程。悲觀點看，你只選擇了輕的，沒有嘗試重的，但實際上你可能會舉起重一點的，這會起到鍛煉的效果；樂觀點看，即使失敗也要不斷嘗試舉重，這樣做無非兩個結果，要麼放棄，要麼繼續嘗試，但無論哪一種都沒法讓你更強壯。

I have personally reaped tremendous benefits from pursuing the path of self- discipline. When I was 20 years old, I lived in a small studio apartment, and my sleep hours were something like 4am to 1pm. My diet included lots of fast food and junk food. I didn』t exercise except for sometimes taking long walks. Getting the mail seemed like a significant accomplishment each day, and the highlight of my day was hanging out with friends. At the end of a month, I couldn』t really think of many salient events that occurred during the month. I had no job, no car, no income, no goals, no plans, and no real future. All I felt I had was a lot of problems that weren』t getting any better. I had no sense that I could control my path through life. I would simply wait for things to happen and then react to them.

塑造自律，讓我個人受益匪淺。我20歲時，住在一間一居室的小房間里，通常都是凌晨4點睡覺，下午1點起床。我經常吃快餐，除了偶爾會徒步，基本都不運動。每天查看郵件就是天大的事，生活中僅有的趣味就是和朋友閑逛。每每到月末的時候，回想整個月過的平淡如水。沒工作、沒車、沒收入、沒有目標、計劃，更沒有未來。唯有擁有的就是數不清的問題，找不到解決辦法。我無法掌控我的生活，只是一味的等待事情發生，然後應對。

But eventually I faced the reality that trying to wait out my life wasn』t working. If I was going to get anywhere, I was going to have to do something about it. And initially this meant tackling a lot of difficult challenges, but I overcame them and grew a lot stronger in a short period of time.

Fast forward fourteen years, and it』s like night and day. I get up at 5am each morning. I exercise six days a week. I eat a purely vegan diet with lots of fresh vegetables. My home office is well organized. My physical inbox and my email inbox are both empty. I』m married with two kids and live in a nice house. A binder sits on my desk with my written goals and detailed plans to achieve them, and several of my 2005 goals have already been accomplished. I』ve never been more clear about what I wanted, and I』m doing what I love. I know I』m making a difference.

但最終我還是面對了現實，等待是沒用的。不管要去哪裡，我都會提前準備。一開始這對我來說是艱難的挑戰，但我戰勝了它們，短時間內變得愈加強大。

回首這14年的日子，真是轉瞬即逝。每天5點起床，一周運動6天，吃純素食。我家裡的辦公室非常整潔。經常清理門外的郵箱和電子郵箱。現已結婚，有了兩個孩子，住在一個漂亮房子里。辦公桌上放著寫滿自己目標的記事本，詳盡地記錄著實現這些目標的計劃。2005年幾個目標我現在已經實現了。我從未像現在這樣清楚的知道自己想要什麼，做著自己喜歡的事。我知道是自己的改進成就了這一切。

None of this just happened. It was intentional. And it certainly didn』t happen overnight. It took a lot of years of hard work. It』s still hard work, but I』ve become a lot stronger such that things that would have been insurmountable for me at age 20 are easy today, which means I can tackle bigger challenges and therefore achieve even better results. If I had tried to do everything I』m doing now when I was 20, I would have failed utterly. 20-year old Steve wouldn』t have been able to handle it, not even for one day. But for 34-year old Steve, it』s easy. And what』s really exciting for me is to think of what 48-year old Steve will be able to accomplish… relative to my life path of course, not anyone else』s.

所有的一切都不是偶然的，都是有計劃的；也不是馬上就實現的，而是努力了多年。我現在依然在努力，不同的是我變強大了。現在做的事情對於20歲的我來說簡直就是天方夜譚，但我此時卻可以面對更大的挑戰，也就可以取得更大的成就。如果我在20歲使出吃奶的里奇來做現在做的事情，我一定會一敗塗地。20歲的我根本無法掌控，再大一點也不行；但對於34歲的我來說，簡直小菜一碟。讓我最為激動的是，想到自己到了48歲時，會達到何等的成就，這就是屬於我自己的人生。

I AM telling you this to impress you, not with me but with yourself. I want you to be impressed by what you can accomplish over the next 5-10 years if you progressively build your self-discipline. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it. The first step is to openly accept where you are right now, whether you feel good about it or not. Surrender yourself to what you have to work with — maybe it isn』t fair, but it is what it is. And you won』t get any stronger until you accept where you are right now.

我說這些是想告訴大家，只有你自己才能為自己負責。我想如果你們循序漸進地提高自律能力，接下來的5-10年，你會收穫很多。雖然不易，但一定是值得的。不管你現在把自己估計的過高還是過低，第一步就是接受真實的自己。接納自己的不完美吧——也許你不願承認，但事實勝於雄辯。何時接納自己，何時就踏上強大的大路。