家庭問題與衝突：變污穢為芬芳

伍

Questioner: When there is conflict and discord in the immediate family – with one』s parents or siblings for example – irrespective of what the reasons may be, how does one arrive at some harmony?

問：和直系親屬之間有了衝突不和——比如，和自己的父母或者兄弟姐妹之間——且不管原因可能是什麼，一個人要如何才能解決這些矛盾，實現家庭和諧呢？

Sadhguru: Since you said parents and siblings, you have one excuse – you did not choose these people. If it was about husband and wife, there was a choice – you could not blame it on someone else!

薩古魯：既然你說的是父母和兄弟姐妹，你就有了一個借口——這些人不是你選擇的。如果是夫妻之間，那是自己選擇的——你就不能把這怪到別人頭上去！

Family is a good training ground for you to know your limitations.

家庭是個讓你了解自己局限的很好的訓練場。

Family is a good training ground for you to know your limitations. You are cocooned with a certain number of people – which means every day, whatever you do, you have to step on each other』s toes. There are things they do that you hate, but still you have to be with them. It isn』t like your Facebook family of 10,000 – if there is someone you don』t like, you click him out.

家庭是個讓你了解自己局限的很好的訓練場。你和一些特定數量的人像被繭一樣包裹纏繞在一起——這意味著每一天，不管你做什麼，你都不得不踩到另一個人的腳。這些人做一些你討厭的事，但是你仍然不得不和他們在一起。這種家人不像你有10,000個成員的Facebook大家庭——你不喜歡誰就可以把誰踢出去。

Family is a beautiful place for you to grow beyond your likes and dislikes. Your likes and dislikes are the basis of compulsiveness within you. When you are stuck up with likes and dislikes, consciousness is out of question. The moment you like or dislike something, you naturally behave compulsively – favorably compulsively to what you like, in a reactive way compulsively to what you do not like.

家庭是一個美好的地方，在這裡你可以超越自己的好惡而成長。你的好惡是你內在強迫性的基礎。當你被你的好惡所擺布，就不可能有覺知。你喜歡或者不喜歡某物的那一刻，你自然就會強迫性地行事——對你喜歡的你強迫性地偏向它，對你不喜歡的你強迫性地反抗它。

Family is a cocoon where whether you like it or not, you have to be with these people for a certain period of time. Either you make this a bitter experience, or you learn to transcend your likes and dislikes. Let』s say there are certain aspects about your husband that you hate. If after some time, you say, 「He』s like that – it』s okay,」 he has not changed, but you transcended your dislike for a particular type of behavior or whatever else it was that bothered you about him. If you become bitter or you resign, in the sense of 「There is no other way – I have to put up with them,」 all the pain and struggle of being with people will be wasted. But if you say, 「Yes, this is how they are, but it is okay with me. Let me go on with these people joyfully,」 you consciously transcend.

家庭是一個繭，在這裡，不管你喜歡與否，你都必須和這些人待在一起一段特定的時間。你要麼就把這變成一段苦澀的經歷，要麼就學著去超越你的好惡。假如，你討厭你丈夫的一些方面，如果一段時間后，你說「他就是那樣——沒關係的」，他沒有改變，但是你超越了你對他的某種行為或者其他讓你不舒服的東西的厭惡。如果你覺得痛苦，或者你放棄，覺得「沒有別的辦法——我只能忍受他」，那麼與這個人在一起經歷的所有痛苦和掙扎就都被浪費掉了。但是如果你說，「是的，這就是他們存在的樣子，但是我都接受。讓我喜悅地和這些人在一起吧。」你就有覺知地超越了好惡。

If you say, 「Yes, this is how they are, but it is okay with me. Let me go on with these people joyfully,」 you consciously transcend.

如果你說，「是的，這就是他們存在的樣子，但是我都接受。讓我喜悅地和這些人在一起吧。」你就有覺知地超越了好惡。

When you transcend your likes and dislikes, unknowingly, you become conscious. Unknowingly, you turn spiritual, which is the best way to turn spiritual. Not by saying, 「I am going to take a spiritual path」 but because as a life, you became conscious enough to transcend your limitations, likes and dislikes and you turned spiritual, without attaching the word 「spiritual」 to it. The best way to become spiritual is to consciously evolve to a point where you are not compulsorily reactive anymore. Family is a good place for you to train yourself towards that. You are not trapped in this forever. Whatever kind of family you live in, it is only for a certain period of time. You must use this period of time to transcend your likes and dislikes.

當你超越了自己的好惡，不知不覺間，你變得有覺知了。不知不覺間，你走上了靈性的道路——這是走上靈性道路的最好方法。不要通過說，「我要走靈性修行的道路」，而是因為作為一個生命，你變得足夠有覺知去超越自己的局限和好惡，從而開始了靈性修行，而沒有給它貼上「靈性修行」的標籤。走上修行道路的最佳方式，是有覺知地讓自己進化到不再強迫性地做出反應。家庭是個好地方，在這裡你可以訓練自己朝向這點。你並不會永遠被困在這裡。不管你身處怎樣的家庭，都只會在這裡停留一段特定的時間而已。你必須使用這段時間，來超越你的好惡。

If people around you do not agree with you, you are in a very good place. I always tell people in the ashram, 「Choose someone that you cannot stand and learn to work with them, joyfully. It will do wonders to you.」 If you choose to be with someone you like, you will become compulsive to be only with those sorts of people. Family is not the problem. Your wanting to be with what you like is the problem. Don』t choose what you like. See how to make what is there wonderful. What comes to you is not your business. What you make out of it is your business.

如果你身邊的人跟你意見不合，那麼你是處在一個很棒的地方。我總是告訴在靜修中心（ashram）的人，「選擇那些你無法忍受的人，學著愉快地和他們一起工作。這會在你身上發生奇迹。」如果選擇和你喜歡的人在一起，你會強迫性地只和這類人在一起。家庭不是個問題。你想和你喜歡的在一起，才是個問題。不要選擇你所喜歡的。看看如何把你不喜歡的變得精彩。你遇到什麼，並不關你什麼事。你能從中做出什麼，才是你的事。

If people around you do not agree with you, you are in a very good place.

如果你身邊的人跟你意見不合，那麼你是處在一個很棒的地方。

People say things like, 「Oh, it』s a gorgeous day」 or 「It』s a bad day,」 depending on the weather. Just because there are clouds, it is not a bad day. Leave the weather to nature. One day sun, another day clouds; one day rain, another day snow – it』s all right. If it』s sunny, you go bare-chested; if it』s raining, you go with a raincoat; if it』s snowing, you go with a snowboard. No matter what, it is up to you to make it a good day.

根據天氣變化，人們說這樣的話，「啊，今天真好」或者「今天真糟」。只是因為天上有烏雲，就不是糟糕的一天。把天氣的事情留給大自然去管吧。晴天，陰天，雨天，下雪天——都沒關係。如果陽光燦爛，你可以打赤膊出門；如果陰雨綿綿，你就穿雨衣出門；如果大雪紛飛，你就踩著滑雪板出門。不管天氣如何，你都可以把它變成美好的一天。

Similarly, do not bother about who is sitting around you right now. You make this a wonderful process of sitting with this person. This does not mean you have to sit with them forever. Everyone comes and goes. Either they come and go, or you come and go. Whoever is here, whatever is here – make the best out of it for now. If you have other choices, you can change, but the important thing is that you joyfully change. It should happen out of conscious choice, not out of compulsion, that because you cannot be here, you have to jump somewhere else. If you leave in such a state, wherever you go, you will be the same. If you do not know how to make it here, you do not know how to make it anywhere.

同樣地，不要因為現在坐在你旁邊的人而煩惱。把和這個人坐在一起，變成一個美妙的過程。這並不意味著你要和他們一起坐到永遠。人來人往，要麼是他們來了又走，要麼是你來了又走。不管是誰在這裡，是什麼在這裡——現在就把握時機。如果你有別的選擇，你可以做出改變，但是重要的是你要快樂地改變。它應當是出於有覺知的選擇，而不是出於強迫性，因為無法在這裡，你就不得不跳到別的地方去。如果你在這樣一種狀態中離開的話，不管你去到哪裡，你都是老樣子。如果你不知道如何在這個地方做到，你就不知道如何在任何別的地方做到。

衡量結果

And how will you know whether this whole spiritual process is working or not? Only by results. If with the same people, you can wake up a little more joyful, you are a little more at ease, they do not irritate you anymore as they used to do – that means you are progressing. Everywhere, progress is measured by results – here too.

那麼你如何知道這整個修行過程是否在起作用呢？只能通過看結果。如果和同樣的人在一起，你能在醒來時更喜悅一點，更自在一點，他們不再像過去那樣讓你煩惱——那就意味著你在進步。每個地方的進步都是通過結果來衡量——在這裡也是。

It happened one day – there was a queue at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter was checking everyone』s accounts before admitting them. There was an Italian taxi driver from Vegas in a shiny polka dot shirt and aviator glasses, cigarette dangling. Right behind him was a bishop. He looked at the man in distaste, 「Why is he even in this line to heaven, first of all?」 But you know, strange are the ways of God. When the taxi driver』s time came, he said, resigned to his fate, 「Okay, wherever you send me… What』s the problem.」 As a taxi driver, he is used to that –wherever the customer wants to go, he goes; he does not choose his destination. All his accounts were checked. Then Peter welcomed him with a big smile and gave him a nice silken robe. Two very pretty angels came and took him into heaven.

有一天，在天堂大門口排著一條隊伍。聖彼得在查看每個人的紀錄，然後才放他們進去。有個來自拉斯維加斯的義大利計程車司機，他穿著閃亮的波點襯衫，戴著飛行員眼鏡，叼著一支煙。在他後面，是個大主教。主教嫌惡地看著司機，「怎麼連他也排在進天堂的隊伍里？」但是你知道的，上帝總是做出奇特的事情。輪到計程車司機了，他是很認命的，他說，「不管你們把我送去哪裡……那有什麼問題」。作為一個計程車司機，他習慣了這樣——客人想去哪裡，他就開去哪裡；他不選擇自己的目的地。查完了他所有的紀錄，彼得給了他一個大大的微笑和一件漂亮的絲綢袍子。兩個美麗的天使過來領他進了天堂。

If with the same people, you can wake up a little more joyful, you are a little more at ease, they do not irritate you anymore as they used to do – that means you are progressing.

如果和同樣的人在一起，你能在醒來時更喜悅一點，更自在一點，他們不再像過去那樣讓你煩惱——那就意味著你在進步。

The bishop was looking at this in amazement. When his turn came, they looked at his books, welcomed him, gave him workman』s overalls and a mopping stick, and said, 「You go and clean corridor No. 127.」 The bishop was distraught, 「What is this? That Italian taxi driver comes from Sin City – I don』t even want to utter the name – where he must have driven all kinds of people – and you gave him silken robes and angels, and he went to heaven. Me, I am a bishop – I』ve been in the service of God. And for me – workman』s overalls, mopping stick and corridor 127 – I know how long it is. Why?」 Peter looked at him and said, 「Please listen. This is not like church – this is heaven. Here, we go by results. When you gave your sermons, people generally slept. But when that guy drove his taxi, everyone said, 『Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!』」

大主教驚詫地看著這一幕。輪到他了，他們看著他的紀錄，歡迎了他，交給他一件工裝服和一隻拖把，說：「你去打掃127號走廊。」大主教心急如焚：「這是怎麼回事？那個義大利司機從罪惡之城來——我甚至都不想說出那個城市的名字——在那裡他載著形形色色的人——你們派給他絲綢袍子和天使，他進了天堂。我呢，我是個大主教——我一直在為上帝服務。你們給我的——工裝服，拖把，和127號走廊——我知道這走廊有多長。為什麼這樣對我？」彼得看著他，說道：「請聽我說。這裡不是教堂——這是天堂。在這裡，我們都是看結果辦事。你給人們佈道的時候人們通常都在打瞌睡。但是那個傢伙開著計程車的時候，每個人都在說「噢我的上帝啊！噢我的上帝啊！噢我的上帝啊！」

You must also go by results. To know whether your spiritual process is working or not, just see, whatever the outside situation, are you in conflict within yourself or not? If there is conflict within you, you need to work. You have not been physically beaten up. All they do is say things. Whatever they know best, they do. What you know best, you must do. If you know best, you will keep yourself well. If you keep yourself well, you may transform them too, but I would not go that far with you right now. It does not matter if someone is shouting at you or abusing you. If you want, you can write a new dictionary for yourself. You can translate all the abuses into nice, sweet things. In any case, you must know they are doing their best. Unfortunately, their best may be garbage – what to do. You can only have sympathy for such people.

你也一定要通過結果來衡量。要知道你的修行是否在起作用，只要看，不論外在環境如何，你的內在是否起了衝突？如果你內在有衝突，你需要努力。你還沒被實實在在地打擊過。他們知道什麼最好，他們就去做。你知道什麼最好，你就必須去做。如果你知道得最好，你就能好好地保持自己。如果你把自己保持好了，你也許也能轉化他們，但是我現在不跟你說得那麼遠。別人對你大喊大叫，謾罵傷害你，都沒關係。如果你想的話，你可以為自己寫一本新字典。你可以把所有的謾罵之詞都解釋成和善的甜蜜的話語。無論如何，你必須要知道他們也是在儘力而為。不幸的是，他們的儘力而為也許是垃圾——那能怎麼樣呢。對這樣的人，你只能心懷同情。

變骯髒為芬芳

Right now, you have to be there. So many times, not just you – every one of us is trapped with people and situations we definitely do not want to be in. Where we are is never entirely our choice. But what we make out of it is entirely our choice. Exercise it. If you exercise it, the outside will also slowly become a choice. Over a period of time, you will see that naturally, situations will arrange around yourself in a most beautiful way.

現在，你不得不待在那裡。不僅僅是你——我們每個人都有很多時候被困在我們完全不想要的人和環境中。我們身處何地，從來不是完全由我們選擇。但是我們能把它變成什麼樣子，則是完全由我們主宰。去實踐吧。如果你去實踐了，外在環境也會慢慢變成是一種選擇。一段時間后，你會發現，自然而然地，你身邊的環境會以一種最美好的方式被安排好。

The first thing is you arrange yourself in such a way that you are a beautiful human being. How someone else sees it is their business.

首先，你要整理你自己，讓自己成為一個美好的人。別人怎麼看待世界，那是別人的事。

My experience of the world is too fantastic. Wherever I go, people are in tears of love and joy. What more do I want? I know that is not the reality for the whole world, but the world arranges itself like that around me. This is because I have taken time to arrange myself in such a way that no matter where I am, I am like this only. Slowly, the world is imitating what I am. You also do this. Do not worry whether the world arranges itself in a certain way or not – it will invariably happen over a period of time. The first thing is you arrange yourself in such a way that you are a beautiful human being. How someone else sees it is their business.

我體驗中的世界太美妙。不管我走到哪裡，人們都流著愛和喜悅的淚水。我還想要什麼呢？我知道並非整個世界都是如此，但是世界就是自己如此在我周圍安排著。這是因為我花了時間來整理我自己，讓我不管身處何地，我都只是像這個樣子。慢慢地，這個世界也在模仿我。你也這樣做。不要擔憂世界是否會以某種方式來安排它自己——一段時間之後它一定會發生。首先，你要整理你自己，讓自己成為一個美好的人。別人怎麼看待，那是他們的事。

Right now, they want to walk in the gutter – let them walk for some time, till they get tired of it. Live in such a way that when they look at you, even the gutter people see at some point that it is worth being the way you are. It will not elude them. They are bitter because their experience of life is bitter and unfulfilled, and this bitterness comes out in the form of conflict. Set an example for them that there is a way to live differently. In yoga, one of the most enduring symbols has always been that of a lotus flower, because a lotus flower grows best wherever the slush is thick – the filthier, the better. Such filth transforms into such ethereal beauty and fragrance. This is spiritual process. Getting allergic to slush is not spiritual process. Becoming a part of the slush is not spiritual process. Transforming the slush into fragrance is spiritual process.

現在，他們想在陰溝中行走——那就讓他們走上一段時間，直到他們厭倦了那裡。用這樣一種方式活著，當人們看著你的時候，即便是那身處陰溝的人也會在某個時候發現你存在的方式很值得。他們不會不明白。他們痛苦，是因為他們對生命的體驗是苦澀的、不完滿的，這種苦澀會以衝突的形式表現出來。為他們樹立一個榜樣：有一種活得不一樣的方式。在瑜伽中，一個最經久不衰的形象總是蓮花，因為蓮花在污泥最深厚的地方生長得最好——越是骯髒，越是芬芳。如此的污穢轉化成了如此超凡的美麗和芬芳。這就是靈性修行。無法忍受骯髒，不是修行。與骯髒同流合污，不是修行。把污穢轉化成芬芳，才是修行。

Love&Grace,

Sadhguru

精選導讀

良好家庭教育的十條建議

如蓮花一般存在

本公眾號文章由志願者翻譯，歡迎轉載。

如需轉載，請後台回復「轉載」獲取授權指引。

歡迎關注新浪微博：薩古魯。

回復以下關鍵詞 獲取更多的內容

古魯｜濕婆｜Isha｜瑜伽｜靈伽｜冥想

課程｜健康｜事業｜生活｜關係｜教育