我們為什麼很難實現工作和生活的平衡？

Answer by Dushka Zapata on Quora.

I was drowning in work.

I was convinced this was because my job was demanding but as I shuffled my responsibilities around, switched jobs and ultimately became a freelancer so I could call my own shots I was still drowning, drowning in work.

It finally caught up to me that it』s me. I have a tendency to drown myself in work and the problem is not the job I』m in.

One of the reasons why work-life balance is hard is because we attribute the problem to our environment when it』s us. I am the problem.

I adore making my clients happy. 「Dushka, your work was incredible.」 「Dushka, we would not have survived without you.」 This is primal. Me, a kid, making someone I love proud. Good girl.

What can get in the way of work-life balance is that approval often matters more than the balance I claim I want.

I am ambitious and want to do great things and as soon as a project is done I』m hungry for the next one. I want hard work. I want to push myself, test myself. I want to learn.

Sometimes work-life balance is hard because there is a discrepancy between what I say I want and what I really, truly want. I』m sending everyone mixed signals, including myself.

I don』t know what I want. I want conflicting things. I want everything.

My life is constantly changing. If a friend is visiting from out of town I want to work less, if I happen to be particularly inspired I want to work more, if a family member needs me I don』t want to have to worry about work at all.

Work-life balance is hard because my definition of it is a moving target. It means different things to me depending on where my life is at.

What is work-life balance, anyway? Does it mean I get to go home every day when the clock strikes 5:00? Does it mean that I work hard for a few weeks and then take a long weekend off? Do I want daily balance, or do I want things to balance out over the course of a few weeks, even months?

Sometimes work life balance is hard because my demands on it are a poor fit in relation to the job that I am in.

Work-life balance can be hard if you believe that the only way to do something well is to do it yourself. This means you can never delegate, and as such you are not scalable. Your ego gets in the way of you being free, and it gets in the way of the growth of everyone who works for you.

Work-life balance can be hard if you are worried someone else can do your job better than you. Then you live in a constant state of suspicion and paranoia and never allow yourself to step away. Your fear is calling the shots, not your lifestyle ambitions.

Work-life balance can be hard if you are more worried about looking good than doing good work. If you want to make sure everyone sees you are the last one to leave, if you want to make sure everyone is a witness to you being the first person in the next morning, what others think of you has more weight than your aspirations of getting home in time for dinner.

My boss assures me that employees come first, that people are the most important thing, yet I don』t see him telling me it』s time to go home after lunch because I worked really late the night before.

Wait a minute. Why should my work life balance be the company』s problem, in particular if I』ve already identified that my needs are ever-changing? How can I expect someone else to stay on top of that? The only person responsible for me is me.

Work life balance can be hard because blame is easier and much more comfortable than accountability.

This question originally appeared on Quora.com: Why is it tough to get work-life balance?

杜什卡•薩帕塔在Quora網站上對這一問題的回答。

我以前一直沉溺於工作之中。

堅定地以為這是因為工作對我的要求太高，但在我調崗，換工作，最終成為能自己做主的自由職業者之後，我發現我還是在為工作忙個不停。

後來我終於明白，問題出在我自己身上。因為我總是忍不住讓自己埋頭工作，至於我的工作內容是什麼，並無關係。

我們之所以很難實現工作和生活的平衡，原因之一是我們總是把責任歸咎於所處的環境，而不是反省自己。實際上，「我」才是問題的根源。

我喜歡讓客戶高興。「杜什卡，你做得太好了。」「杜什卡，如果沒有你，我們可怎麼活呀。」這是一種本能。小時候就是如此，我會努力讓我愛的人為我感到自豪。真是好孩子。

導致我無法平衡工作和生活的障礙在於，他人的認可往往比我自稱想要得到的平衡更加重要。

我有自己的抱負，想做大事，每個項目剛剛完成，我又會迫不及待地想要開始下一個。我想努力工作，想不斷鞭策自己，考驗自己。我想要學習。

有時候，工作和生活的平衡之所以難以實現，是因為我嘴上說的，和我真正想要的，是不同的東西。我給所有人，包括我自己，發出了不一致的信號。

我根本不知道自己想要什麼。我的想法總是相互矛盾。我想要一切。

我的生活在不斷變化。如果有朋友從城外來看我，我會希望少工作一會兒，如果我恰好受到了特別的啟發，我會想多工作一會兒，如果有家人需要我，我又希望把工作完全拋在腦後。

我們之所以很難平衡工作和生活，是因為我對它沒有一個確切的定義。生活狀態不同，我對它的理解也會不同。

那麼，到底什麼才是工作和生活的平衡呢？是指每天5點鐘準時到家？還是連續幾周努力工作，然後在周末好好給自己放個假？我想要每天的平衡，還是在幾周甚至幾個月意義上的平衡？

有時候，我們之所以很難實現工作和生活的平衡，是因為我們所從事的工作並不能滿足我實現工作和生活平衡的願望。

如果你認為做好某件事的唯一方法就是親自上場，你可能很難實現工作和生活的平衡。這意味著你不會放權，也不能規模化擴張。自負令你難獲自由，同時也阻礙下屬的成長。

如果你總是擔心別人比你做得更好，可能也很難實現工作和生活的平衡。你會一直生活在猜疑和妄想中，無法解脫。這時操縱你的是恐懼，而不是你理想的生活方式。

如果你更看重表面功夫，而不是真正把工作做好，可能很難實現工作和生活的平衡。想讓所有人看到你是最後一個下班，或者第二天早上第一個上班？那其他人對你的看法，遠比你對按時回家吃飯的渴望來得重要。

我的老闆向我信誓旦旦地保證，員工是第一位的，人才是最重要的，但我從未聽到他對我說，因為前一天晚上工作到太晚，今天午飯過後就可以回家了。

等一下。為什麼要把工作和生活的平衡問題附加給被看作公司，尤其是當我已經知道是自己的需求在不斷變化？我怎麼能指望別人來解決這個問題？唯一應該對我負責的人只有我自己。

工作和生活的平衡之所以很難實現，是因為相對於自己去解決問題，指責別人往往更容易，讓人更舒服。

這個問題最初發表於Quora.com： 我們為什麼很難實現工作和生活的平衡？（財富中文網）

譯者：劉進龍/汪皓