情人節單身狗福利：看那些秀恩愛的如何花式被甩

儘管不想承認，但一年一度的情人節又雙叒叕到了。在滿屏儘是秀恩愛的時候，小編願做一股清流，在情人節這一天聊一聊網友的凄慘情事，給各位單身朋友一點安慰。

1. The cruelest catch.最殘忍的抓包

"My ex said he was busy doing stuff with his family, so I went out drinking with my single friends - and saw him in a bar I used to work at with another girl. I went in and bought a pint just to pour it all over him."「我的前任說他和家人在一起，所以我跟一些單身朋友出去喝酒。結果我在曾經工作的酒吧看到他和別的女孩在一起。我走進去買了一品托的酒，然後全潑在了他身上。」

2. The rose ruse.玫瑰『陷阱』

"Received a bunch of roses and a teddy bear in the post on Valentine's Day. No idea who they were from. The next day, my ex messaged me, 'hope you enjoyed the day thinking that someone actually likes you. They were from me'. At least the roses were expensive and pretty."「情人節那天，有人寄來一束鮮花和一隻泰迪熊，我並不知道是誰送的。第二天，前任給我發來簡訊：『希望你在情人節覺得還是有人愛你的。禮物是我送的。』起碼玫瑰花很貴也很漂亮。」

3. The stopover.順路拜訪

"My long-distance internet boyfriend of several years surprised me with a visit to my college dorm on February 13. It was the first time we met in person. We spent the day kissing and cuddling until I invited him to spend the night. Then he told me that he was actually just stopping through Illinois on his way to New York, where he was moving to live with his actual girlfriend."「我交往了幾年的異地網戀男友在情人節前一天來到了我的大學宿舍，讓我驚喜了一下。這是我們第一次見面。那天我們卿卿我我摟摟抱抱，我邀請他晚上一起過夜。結果他告訴我他實際上要去紐約，順路來伊利諾伊看下我，而他要去那裡和現實中的女友同居。」

4. The Harry Potter horror.哈利波特恐懼症

"My boyfriend planned for us to take a Harry Potter studio tour in London. The night before, he tells my friend he doesn't think he loves me. The next morning he says he's 'going to get breakfast' before we have to leave for the train and he never comes back. I didn't hear from him for two days and still haven't had a chance to go to the studio."「我男朋友計劃帶我去倫敦來個哈利波特博物館之旅。結果前一天晚上，他告訴我朋友他並不愛我。第二天早上在我們坐火車出發前，他說他去『吃個早飯』然後就沒再回來。之後兩天都杳無音訊，而我到現在也沒有去過哈利波特博物館。」

5. The fake out.偽造的情人節禮物

"As a teen, I never got a valentine, while other girls at school would show off huge cards, teddies and chocolates. One year I had enough and wrote myself a fake card, and took it in.「少年時期，我從未收到過情人節禮物，而學校里的其他女孩總會拿著一堆卡片、玩具熊和朱古力來炫耀。有一年我實在受夠了，於是給自己寫了一張假卡片拿到學校。」

But I struggle badly with lying, and in my guilt it all elaborated and elaborated until by 3pm I had been engaged, cheated on, and dumped, and was setting fire to the card on the school pathway shouting "you cheat! You cheat! It's over!!" while I stamped all over it.撒謊讓我十分糾結，我在負罪感中不斷編造謊言，直到下午三點我已經經歷了「戀愛、背叛、分手」，我在學校的通道上燒掉了卡片，並一邊大喊「你這個騙子！你個大騙子！我們玩兒完了！！」，一邊跺著那張卡片。

But no one cared anyway and the whole school of 700 students just trundled boredly past except for one withering 'grow up, Jenny'."但是根本沒有人搭理我，全校700多名學生從我身邊經過，只有一個人嘲諷了一句『成熟點吧，珍妮』。」

6. The Nick nod.告白

"I was casually seeing this guy and we decided to spend Valentine's Day together. We had a really nice evening that ended in us doing the deed.「我偶然遇到了一個男生，我們決定一起過情人節。那夜我們過得很愉快並最終啪啪啪了。

After, he turned to me and said 'I really fancy someone.' I thought he was being coy and was referring to me, so with a smile on my face I said 'oh yeah? Who?' 後來他對我說『我真的愛上了一個人。』我以為他是在害羞，而他指的那個人就是我。所以我笑著問道：『哦，真的嗎？是誰？』

He replied with 'his name is Nick.' My name is not Nick."結果他回答道：『他叫尼克。』我不叫尼克。」

7. The bar tab abuser.『背單』俠

"I was dating a guy on and off and we were 'on again' right before Valentine's Day. We went to a very nice dinner and he paid. Later, we went out for drinks at our favorite bar and I opened a tab. Thirty minutes later, he disappeared and I found him talking to another girl. When I went up to them, he acted like he didn't know me and told me to leave them alone. When I closed my tab, the bill was over $200 even though I only had two drinks. The bartender ended up telling me he had purchased multiple drinks for other girls on my tab. Needless to say, we were never 'on again' after that."「我當時跟一個男生斷斷續續約過幾次會，情人節前一天我們『又一次約會』了。他請我吃了非常棒的晚餐。之後，我們去最愛的那家酒吧喝酒，我開了個桌。30分鐘后他消失了，我發現他去跟別的女生聊天。當我坐過去時，他假裝不認識我，還叫我別打擾他們。我結賬時發現賬單是200美元，可我才喝了兩杯呀。最後酒保告訴我這個男人以我這桌的名義給其他女孩點了很多酒。不用說，那之後我跟他就徹底掰了。」

8. The cupcake thief.偷蛋糕的賊

"I spent all day baking red velvet cupcakes for my boyfriend. I went over to his place with these cupcakes in my hand, and his family around, and he looks at me and says 'I don't think this is going to work out. ' He took the cupcakes out of my hands, pushed me out the door, and locked it. I was too shocked to even do anything but leave. I ended up going to the movies by myself because I already bought the tickets."「我花了一整天時間給男朋友做了紅絲絨杯子蛋糕。我捧著蛋糕來到他家，他當著家人的面對我說『我覺得咱倆不合適』。然後他從我手中拿走蛋糕，把我推出去，鎖了門。我當時震驚到除了離開不知道還能做什麼。最後我獨自去電影院看了電影，因為我已經買好電影票（注意是複數）。」

9. The poem problem.情詩

"When I was in 6th grade I had a HUGE crush on a boy. Valentine's Day rolled around and there was a big dance for the sixth graders. I decided to write him a poem. In front of the entire class, I asked my English teacher to proofread it (she did so in private), and then I asked my friend to give it to him. Apparently he stood up in front of his ENTIRE CLASS, read it out loud, and threw it in the recycling bin. At least he recycled it and didn't throw it away. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"「六年級時，我非常愛慕一個男生。情人節又到了，六年級生有一場大型舞會。我決定給他寫一首詩。我當著全班的面要求英文老師幫我修改（她私下幫我改了），然後我請朋友幫我給他。據說，他站在他們全班面前，大聲地朗讀了我的詩，然後將其丟在可回收垃圾桶。至少他丟進了可回收垃圾箱，而沒有直接扔了。」

10. The ol' switcheroo. 反轉

"My boyfriend said 「I love you」 for the first time on Valentine's Day while we were having sex. Romantic? Not so much. He prefaced it with I love (insert female best friend's name here). " 「男友第一次說『我愛你』是在情人節，我們當時正在啪啪啪。很浪漫？可他說的是『我愛你，XX（我閨蜜的名字）』。」