每逢佳節被逼婚，如何巧妙面對父母的逼婚大法？

「每逢佳節被逼婚」一直是諸多未婚青年的共同感受。

在過去的半個月里，無論是去姑父家還是舅舅家，只要大家在飯桌上坐下來，最關心的話題就是你那懸而未決的婚事。催婚的主力軍則是家裡的女性長輩。

一直疼愛你的奶奶語重心長地說：「你都多大了啊？該成家了。」

對你關愛有加的姨媽說：「鄰居家的孩子都會打醬油了。多心疼心疼你爸媽。」

在一旁玩手機的媽媽對你說：「來來來，我給你看個小視頻，你看隔壁張奶奶家的孫子長得多可愛啊！」然後給你一個迷之微笑。

當你好不容易盼望到同樣也是單身狗的表弟趕回家裡，卻發現他居然帶了女朋友回家。

全世界安靜地只聽到你心碎的聲音。你從牙縫裡擠出兩個字，「叛徒」。

但你並不是一個人在戰鬥。

與此同時，有一部分年輕人為了避免在春節期間被爸媽和親戚各種「花式逼婚」，毅然選擇不回家過年。

不結婚的理由有千千萬。也許你只是遲遲沒有找到讓自己怦然心動的人，也許你覺得事業更能給自己帶來安全感，也許你因為高房價帶來的經濟壓力而暫時對婚姻望而卻步。

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隨著社會的快速變遷，晚婚晚育已經成為普遍現象，尤其是那些生活在大城市的年輕人。而大部分單身者都表示願意等到「對的人」再邁入婚姻的殿堂。

With the Chinese society undergoing rapid changes, late marriages and late parenthood are no longer uncommon, especially among residents of big cities. Many single Chinese are also willing to wait for the right partner.

2010年，最近的一次全國人口普查顯示，25-29歲之間的未婚男性和未婚女性分別佔36%和21%，而30-34歲之間的未婚男性和未婚女性分別是12%和5%。

In 2010, the last national population census showed 36 percent of men and 21 percent of women in the 25-­29 age group as unmarried. For those between ages 30 and 34, it was 12 percent and 5 percent respectively.

「我之前跟爸媽發過毒誓，去年一定結婚。但婚姻是要講緣分的，不是我說找就能找到的。」小馬說道。今年30歲的她在北京開了一家小公司。

「I had promised my parents that I would get married last year. But marriage relies on destiny, and you can』t find it that easily,」 says Ma, 30, who runs a small company in Beijing.

儘管她為自己並未遵守諾言而感到歉疚，但她受夠了父母持續不停的嘮叨。她的老家是湖南省的一個小城。她今年並沒有回家過年，因為所有的親戚都會在春節期間聚餐時抓緊一切機會聊她的婚事。

Although she feels bad to have broken her promise, she is fed up with her parents』 constantnagging. She didn』t return to her hometown, a small city in Hunan province, for the festival this year, because in the past all her relatives would gather for meals during Spring Festival and discuss her unmarried status at every opportunity.

除此之外，同輩帶來的壓力也很大。她有兩個表妹，一個剛剛生二胎，另一個今年則帶了男朋友回家過年。

In addition, there』s peer pressure: Ma has two younger female cousins back home – one just gave birth to a second child, and the other was visiting with her boyfriend this year.

「親戚跟我說我發小的孩子都會打醬油啦！我媽甚至還說我如果不結婚，她會死不瞑目啊。每次遇到這種情況，我都很想迅速逃離。」她說道。

「My relatives would tell me that my old childhood friend』s kid is growing up. And, my mom complained that she would die discontent if I didn』t get married. I wanted to flee such situations,」 Ma says.

作為一個獨立女性，她希望可以和事業有成且和自己價值觀一致的人結婚。她曾經相親多次，但大多無疾而終。

As an independent woman, Ma wants to marry someone who has a successful career and shares her values. She has been on unsuccessful blind dates with many men.

「我們有時會因為選擇太多而眼花繚亂。也許你還在考慮要不要和這個人交往的時候，人家就已經找好女朋友了。」她如是評價道。

「Sometimes we are dazed by the many choices,」 Ma says of such dates. 「And when you』re still considering whether to be with a man, he may have found a girlfriend already.」

總的說來，她對婚姻抱著謹慎的態度，她說一定要考慮清楚對方是不是那個你可以和他共度一生的人。

But overall, she is cautious about marriage.

「You have to be really careful and think if he is the one with whom you can spend your life.」

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[Liang Luwei/China Daily]

今年36歲的小金邀請父母來北京過年而不是回河北老家。她的父母不僅理解她工作很忙且壓力很大，而且很少在她面前提起婚姻這個話題。

Jin, 36, invited her parents to Beijing instead of going back home to Hebei province for the usually weeklong festival holiday this year. Her parents not only understand that she is busy and under a great deal of work pressure but they also rarely bring up the topic of marriage before her.

但對她所在的大家庭來說，情況卻完全不一樣。

But it』s a different matter for her extended family.

「最好避免跟我的親戚見面。否則，我要禮貌地告訴他們我還沒有男朋友。如果我為了停止這個話題說我有男朋友，他們還會接著問我什麼時候結婚。」她說道。她曾經在倫敦學習藝術，去年六月在北京成立了自己的公司。

「It』s better to avoid meeting my relatives. Or else, I have to politely tell them that I don』t have a boyfriend. If I say I have one in order to end such talk, they will then ask, 『When are you getting married?』」 Jin says. She studied fine arts in London and started her own company in Beijing in June.

「我很享受自己的單身生活。我只會跟我愛的人結婚，而不是出於壓力。就算到我四五十歲的時候遇到我愛的人，也沒什麼。」

「I enjoy my single life. I will only marry someone I love, not under pressure,」 she says. 「It』s OK to meet the one I love when I』m in my 40s or even 50s.」

如果她投入時間在工作和朋友上，她會得到經濟回報和友情。此外，她認為在婚姻上的投入顯得冒險，因為結果是不確定的。

If she spends time on work and her friends, she will have both financial rewards and lasting relationships. Besides, it』s risky to invest in marriage as the outcome is uncertain.

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30歲的潼康（化名）在春節前就開始做心理準備，還把跟父母辯論時要用的觀點都寫了下來。

Tong Kang, 30, who refuses to reveal his real name, prepared himself mentally much in advance of the festival and wrote down notes in order to argue with his parents.

「我想心平氣和地和他們討論，尤其是在這種場合，但我們有時會因為這個事情吵架。」他說道。在北京工作的他同時在做一份兼職，總的年收入大概20萬元。

「I want to exchange views calmly, especially on such occasions, but sometimes we quarrel with each other over this issue,」 he says. The Beijing-­based office worker also has a side occupation, and his total annual income is about 200,000 yuan.

「我會結婚，只是目前時機還不成熟。也許兩三年後吧。」他說道。

「I will get married but the time is not ripe yet. Maybe two or three years from now,」 he adds.

但他的父母毫不退讓。他們每周給他打電話時都會提到這件事，這次春節期間也給他安排了一次相親。潼康表示由於自己工作太忙，每次相親后也不怎麼再和對方聯繫。

His parents aren』t backing off though. Each week they mention the subject once over the phone. They also arranged a date for him during this Spring Festival, but Tong says he is too busy to follow up after such dates.

「北京的房價和孩子的教育成本太高。買一個房子要幾百萬。」他說道。他認為自己目前的經濟條件還達不到這些標準。

「In Beijing, housing and educational expenses of children are steep. A house may cost several million yuan,」 he says. He views his current financial condition as being below such standards.

他說自己的父母願意在經濟上支持他，他們還認為如果他結婚了，他可以和未來的妻子一起共同奮鬥。

His parents, he says, are willing to support him financially and they think he and his wife could earn more together if he got married.

「他們說他們當年也是一起去解決了這些問題，但他們不了解我們這代人的經濟壓力。實在是太大了。」他說道。

「They told me that they resolved money problems together earlier, but they have no idea about the economic pressure on our generation. It』s much bigger,」 Tong says.

「父母的社會壓力很大，但他們沒必要強迫不想結婚的孩子去結婚。那些很想結婚的人自己會去積極主動地找對象。如果你沒有合適的對象，千萬不要隨便結婚。」上海維情國際婚姻醫院的首席諮詢師明麗說道。

「Parents are under great social pressure but they don』t have to force kids into marriages if the kids don』t want to. Those who are eager to get married will actively find a partner on their own. If you don』t have a suitable partner, you can』t marry hastily,」 says Ming Li, chief counselor for Shanghai­-based Weiqing International Marriage Hospital, a marriage consultancy.

她認為年輕人的想法不要過於受到父母的影響，在婚後要學著如何做負責任的丈夫和妻子。

Young people should think independently of their parents and learn how to be responsible couples when they find someone, she says.

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讀到這裡，面對逼婚壓力而不知所措的小夥伴，可以讀讀羅愛萍的新書哦，第一時間get反逼婚攻略新技能。

39歲的羅愛萍是來自廣州的一名律師，是《剩女調查》的第一作者。至今未婚的她總結了自己多年來豐富的反逼婚經驗。

《世界那麼大，我想一個人——反逼婚攻略》告訴單身人群如何處理來自父母、親戚、同事和朋友的逼婚壓力，還根據不同情況給出實用的建議。

The World Is So Big, I Want to Stay Single — Tips to Resist the Pressure to Marrytells singles how to tackle such pressure from parents, relatives, colleagues and friends. It offers practical suggestions for dealing with different situations.

「年輕人渴望自由，希望在社會發展的過程中爭奪婚姻自主權。」她說道。

「Young people long for freedom and want to seize the decision­-making power in marriage amid social development,」 Luo says.

和父母同住的人面臨的逼婚壓力最大，因為父母可以隨時隨地嘮叨他們，尤其是當他們參加完其他人的婚禮或者當鄰居問起子女的婚事時。

Those who live with their parents face the greatest pressure because their parents canharanguethem whenever they like, especially when attending others』 weddings or when neighbors ask about their kids』 marital aspirations.

科技使得不跟子女同住的父母也可以通過電話或網路簡訊來發牢騷。當子女回家和家人天天見面的時候，逼婚的壓力達到頂峰。

Technology enables parents who don』t live with their kids to harass them by phone or online messages. But pressure peaks when the children return home to spend days face­to­-face with their folks.

「傳統的孝道意味著尊敬父母和服從他們的意願，但我認為真正的孝道應該是追求個人幸福，因為所有的父母都希望自己的女子幸福。而父母和孩子應該是平等的個體。」羅愛萍說道。

「Traditional Chinesefilial pietymeans respecting and obeying parents. But I think the real filial piety should be the pursuit of one』s own happiness because all parents want their kids to be happy. Parents and children should be equals,」 Luo says.

她認為，結不結婚是個人的選擇，而不是社會責任。不要因為壓力就隨隨便便結婚。年輕人忍受不了不幸福的婚姻，當問題出現的時候，可能會導致離婚。」

「It』s an individual choice whether or not to marry. It』s not a social responsibility. Don』t rush into it because of pressure. Young people can』t stand unhappy marriages and may divorce when problems emerge.」

「找到合適的對象並不容易，又要情投意合，又要有相同的價值觀。單身也可以享受豐富多彩的生活啊。我們要用開放的心態對待這些現象。」

「It』s not easy to find a suitable partner, with whom a person can share affection and values. Singles can enjoy colorful lives. We have to be open-minded about these phenomena.」

書裡面的實用建議如下，希望大家活學活用，多跟爸爸媽媽溝通哈。

❶首先是經濟獨立。

Financial independence should come first and foremost.

❷父母和子女要溝通交流，聆聽彼此的想法。子女需要告訴父母，晚婚的人不在少數，而生活方式也多種多樣，尤其是在城市裡。

Communication requires both sides to listen. It』s worthwhile to point out many Chinese are marrying later and that lifestyles are diversifying, especially in cities.

❸參加父母給你安排的相親，表示你自己在積極地找對象。這會緩解他們的壓力。

Attending the blind dates parents arrange shows you』re actively trying to find a partner. It』ll help them ease up.

❹豐富父母的物質生活，比如給他們買禮物、陪他們旅遊，或者鼓勵他們豐富業餘生活，培養自己的愛好。

You can also improve their material life with gifts or by traveling with them, or encourage them to enrich their own lives by cultivating hobbies.

❺那些想一直單身的人需要制定理財規劃、養老和重疾的規劃。因為父母通常會擔心自己去世以後，子女無人照顧。

Those who wish to remain single indefinitely should develop a financial plan and arrange for old age and illness. That』s because parents often worry nobody will take care of their kids after they』ve passed away.

每個人都有屬於自己的故事，也都有屬於自己的那一份堅持。

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