一個談話高手需要具備哪些基本屬性？

有些人天生伶牙俐齒，逮誰都能高談闊論，滔滔不絕。有些人卻連閑聊都覺得痛苦。兩者的區別並非能否找到話題，而在於能否加強溝通技巧，讓美妙的對話繼續下去。

好的對話需要你來我往交換意見，好比在接球遊戲中保證球不落地。當某人向你拋出一個問題——對方把球扔給了你——你應該給出一個能讓對話繼續下去的答覆，把球傳回去，不讓球掉下……

將一場交談設想為乒乓球對打，找到讓彼此舒服的語言節奏很重要。但如果要成為談話高手，你需要更豐富的溝通技巧。以下是頂尖談話高手養成的6個習慣，大家不妨在進入新環境時練習一番。

THEY LISTEN MORE THAN THEY TALK

多聽少說

The irony of being a good conversationalist is that talking isn』t the most important piece; listening is what makes you memorable. Unfortunately, listening is a skill that not many people master; most people would rather talk, said Celeste Headlee, host of Georgia Public Broadcasting』s On Second Thought.

當一名談話高手的矛盾之處在於，說話本身並不是最重要的因素;傾聽才是讓人記住你的法寶。不幸的是，真正掌握這項技能的人不多，大部分人寧願說話，Georgia Public Broadcasting廣播公司《轉念一想》(On Second Thought)節目主持人塞萊斯特·海德里(Celeste Headlee)說道。

"When I'm talking, I'm in control. I don't have to hear anything I'm not interested in. I'm the center of attention. I can bolster my own identity," she said in a 2015 TED Talk called "10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation."

「當我說話時，我掌握了主動權。我不需要聽任何我不感興趣的話題。我是眾人關注的焦點。我能強化自己的身份。」她在2015年TED大會「聊好天的10種方式」(10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation)上說道。

The other reason we』d rather talk is because it』s easy to get distracted when we listen. The average person talks at about 225 words per minute, but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute, said Headlee. "So our minds are filling in those other 275 words," she said. "It takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can't do that, you're not in a conversation."

我們寧可講話的另一原因是，傾聽容易讓人分心。一般人平均每分鐘說225個單詞，但我們的傾聽速度卻達到每分鐘500單詞，海德里指出。「於是，我們的腦海自動填充了剩餘的275個單詞。」她說道。「專心一意傾聽對方需要付出努力和精力，但如果做不到這一點，就不是真正的交談了。」

THEY DON』T ALWAYS INTERJECT THEIR EXPERIENCES

不喧賓奪主

Good conversationalists don』t interject themselves into the topic when it』s not needed. If someone is talking about having lost a family member, don't start talking about the time you lost a family member, said Headlee.

非必要時，談話高手不會在交談中插敘自己的人生經歷。假如某人正在講述自己失去親人的故事，請別急於分享自己的類似經歷，海德里說道。

"If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you hate your job. It's not the same," she said. "It is never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more importantly, it is not about you. You don't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered. Conversations are not a promotional opportunity."

「如果對方聊起工作上的麻煩事，請別告訴TA你有多討厭自己的工作。這不是一碼事，」她說道，「從來都不是一碼事。所有經歷都是獨特的。而且，更重要的是，談話的焦點不是你。你無需利用這一刻證明你的能力或苦難。聊天並不是一個自我推銷的機會。」

THEY ADMIT WHAT THEY DON』T KNOW

他們承認「無知」

A good conversationalist isn』t afraid to show they don』t understand, says Mark Levy, president of the branding firm Levy Innovation and author of Accidental Genius: Using Writing to Generate Your Best Ideas, Insight and Content. "So many people shoot themselves in the foot, because they』re trying to come across as all-knowing or perfect, but letting the other person in on your lack of understanding can actually be flattering to them," he says.

談話高手不怕顯露出自己的不解，品牌營銷公司Levy Innovation總裁馬克·利維(Mark Levy)說道。「許多人試圖裝出一副無所不知或完美無缺的模樣，結果卻搬起石頭砸了自己的腳。」

If you』re confused, Levy suggests asking, "I want to make sure I really understand what you mean. Can you say what you just said in a slightly different way?"

利維建議，如果你感覺困惑，不妨問對方，「為了確保我真的明白你的意思，你能換個方式解釋剛剛這番話嗎?」

"Not only will the other person feel heard; they』ll likely love having to explain their point in a way that』s different than normal," he says.

「如此一來，對方不僅感覺被傾聽，也會樂於換種方式解釋自己的觀點，」他說道。

THEY ARE WELL READ

他們博覽群書

Be a person of interest by reading and informing yourself on a variety of topics from world affairs to business and culture, says Suzanne Bates, author of All the Leader You Can Be, the Science of Achieving Extraordinary Executive Presence.

通過大量閱讀，了解從國際事務到商業再到文化資訊等各類話題，如此方能成為談話的焦點，《全面挖掘你的領導潛能》(All the Leader You Can Be, the Science of Achieving Extraordinary Executive Presence)作者蘇珊娜·蓓茨(Suzanne Bates)說道。

"Be bold in getting beyond pleasantries to introduce high interest topics likely to enliven a conversation," she says. "Be attuned to each person to meet them where they are and be curious about their views."

「大膽跳出客套寒暄，引入大家都感興趣的話題，活躍談話氣氛，」她說道，「迎合每一名聽眾的心理需求，關注他們的看法。」

Being well read allows you to introduce ideas and stories from other domains, adds Levy. "When a businessperson wants to make a point in conversation, they』ll often rely on an idea, opinion, or story from the world of business," he says. "After a while that gets old. We』ve all heard the same business stories, and we start to mentally check out."

博覽群書有助於你從其他領域借用想法和故事，利維補充道。「當商人想要闡明觀點時，他們往往依賴於商界某一個想法、觀點或故事，久而久之就成了陳腔濫調。我們都聽過千篇一律的商業故事後，就不由得開始走神了。」

Good conversationalists "seed a conversation with jolts," says Levy. "If you』re talking about, say, workplace productivity, it』s fine to talk about [the Civil War battle] Pickett』s Charge or black holes or an idea from an Elizabeth Gilbert book that, in some way, relates to workplace productivity. Bringing in ideas from other domains keeps people awake and interested, and it』s actually how paradigm shifts are born."

談話高手「利用震驚播種話題。」利維說道。「談到職場效率，你可以從美國內戰的皮克特衝鋒或黑洞理論中援引與工作效率相關的想法。引用其他領域的思想有助於維持聽眾的注意力和興趣，思維方式的轉換也是這麼來的。」

THEY LOOK FOR CUES

他們尋找線索

Good conversationalists listen with their eyes, looking for body language or changes in mood that provide information about the other person』s interest level in the conversation. This can help them redirect or improve the conversation in the moment, says Parker Ellen, professor of management and organizational development at Northeastern University.

談話高手利用雙眼聆聽，尋找肢體語言或情緒變化，從而了解對方對談話的感興趣程度。這種做法能夠幫助他們在當下重新引導或改善對話，美國東北大學管理與組織發展專業教授帕克·艾倫(Parker Ellen)說道。

"It also would equip individuals with an awareness about other parties, including their goals, as well as any underlying motives the other party had for the conversation," he says. "Apparent sincerity would enable individuals to present comments and pose questions in a manner that seems genuine, such that it builds trust." This could be crucial to getting other people to open up more and build rapport.

「這也有利於發現對話參與者的目標以及背後動機，」他說道，「假如對方表現誠懇，那麼說話者就能夠以真誠態度提出看法和問題，從而建立信任。」這也是吸引對方敞開心扉、建立融洽關係的關鍵一步。

THEY LET GO OF THE DETAILS

他們不拘小節

We've all been in a conversation where the speaker derails the topic by struggling to remember a date or name. Small bits of information add verbal clutter, and good conversationalists don』t burden the subject with years, names, dates, and tiny details, said Headlee. "[The listener doesn』t] care," she said. "What they care about is you. They care about what you're like, what you have in common. So forget the details. Leave them out."

我們都曾經歷這樣的對話：講話者費力想要回憶起某個日期或名字，結果偏離了正題。信息片段會加劇措辭混亂，而真正的談話高手絕不會拿年份、名字、日期或其他瑣碎細節加重聽者負擔，海德里說道。「聽者根本不在乎，」她說道，「他們真正在意的是你。他們在意你的性格，你們之間的共同點。所以，不要在意那些細節，儘管略去不講。」